"O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death."
A couple of months ago while waiting for the trial date to come for my Little Lovely, I stayed at the mercy of GOD….I lived out scripture verses as the days came closer for us to find out if we have yet jumped another hurdle in the adoption of our Little Lovely…I could remember feeling so free from the oppression that would weigh me down…All I did during my days of waiting, was fellowship with GOD almost every second, took every thought captive and repeated HIS promises over and over in my head...Oh what a glorious time….
I miss it now…
I've been struggling a bit, since the trial, with that intimacy I had with GOD...It was a feeling I can't describe, but I know you can relate to what I mean…I'm still spending time with the LORD and I still have the intimacy, but it's the moment by moment I want back… I remember when I was at the LORD'S mercy my boy would continually tell me how different I was…"Whatta mean, boy?" "Well Mom, I can't remember the last time you got mad or yelled at us." Gosh, that crushes my heart knowing how much I impact them when I'm frustrated…And now, it crushes my heart just realizing how hard it is for me to admit that publicly…That dang pride in me…
Anyway, I've been feeling that frustration again, pressing down on me for a while, and now my BFF kinda noticed it…She said, "I seem off." Guess you can't hide stuff from your BFF's...Praise be to GOD for that…I shared about being at the LORD'S beck and call during my waiting time for the trial and I explained to her how that feeling has faded a bit... I got what I wanted and now I feel guilty about missing that moment by moment intimacy...I know these feelings are from the evil one, I know GOD will not, has not and will not ever leave me…She shared about the apostle Paul and his thorn…Why did GOD allow this righteous man who has been through so much and does so much for the name of CHRIST, yet have this thorn…Certainly, this could hinder Paul from doing what he was suppose to do…But did it? No, it did not…I'm so thankful she shared that with me…It showed me that the thorn in Paul's side was reminder of exactly why the word says what is says in
2 Corinthians 12:8-10:
"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
BAM!!!!! I'm weak...
I love how the LORD shows us things through His people and His word…Maybe I could have become spiritually proud of where I was at with the LORD, maybe He saw boasting in a way that didn't bring Him glory, maybe He is doing something I don't know anything about? But what I do know, is even though I am weak, then I am strong…His love is profound!!!!
I attached this picture of my amazing husband and our sweet daughter because it inspired me to write this post and reminds me of how my Daddy in Heaven looks at me….Agape!