Foster/Adoption Journey-Past

September 10, 2013
Daddy Love
I have yet again, related to Romans 7:24 


 "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death."


A couple of months ago while waiting for the trial date to come for my Little Lovely, I stayed at the mercy of GOD….I lived out scripture verses as the days came closer for us to find out if we have yet jumped another hurdle in the adoption of our Little Lovely…I could remember feeling so free from the oppression that would weigh me down…All I did during my days of waiting, was fellowship with GOD almost every second, took every thought captive and repeated HIS promises over and over in my head...Oh what a glorious time….

I miss it now…

I've been struggling a bit, since the trial, with that intimacy I had with GOD...It was a feeling I can't describe, but I know you can relate to what I mean…I'm still spending time with the LORD and I still have the intimacy,  but it's the moment by moment I want back… I remember when I was at the LORD'S mercy my boy would continually tell me how different I was…"Whatta mean, boy?"  "Well  Mom, I can't remember the last time you got mad or yelled at us." Gosh, that crushes my heart knowing how much I impact them when I'm frustrated…And now, it crushes my heart just realizing how hard it is for me to admit that publicly…That dang pride in me…


Anyway, I've been feeling that frustration again, pressing down on me for a while, and now my BFF kinda noticed it…She said, "I seem off." Guess you can't hide stuff from your BFF's...Praise be to GOD for that…I shared about being at the LORD'S beck and call during my waiting time for the trial and I explained to her how that feeling has faded a bit... I got what I wanted and now I feel guilty about missing that moment by moment intimacy...I know these feelings are from the evil one, I know GOD will not, has not and will not ever leave me…She shared about the apostle Paul and his thorn…Why did GOD allow this righteous man who has been through so much and does so much for the name of CHRIST,  yet have this thorn…Certainly, this could hinder Paul from doing what he was suppose to do…But did it? No, it did not…I'm so thankful she shared that with me…It showed me that the thorn in Paul's side was reminder of exactly why the word says what is says in

2 Corinthians 12:8-10:

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

BAM!!!!! I'm weak...

I love how the LORD shows us things through His people and His word…Maybe I could have become spiritually proud of where I was at with the LORD, maybe He saw boasting in a way that didn't bring Him glory, maybe He is doing something I don't know anything about?  But what I do know, is even though I am weak, then I am strong…His love is profound!!!! 

I attached this picture of my amazing husband and our sweet daughter because it inspired me to write this post and reminds me of how my Daddy in Heaven looks at me….Agape! 



 September 1, 2013


  So, where are we at in our Little Lovely journey?  

Right where GOD wants us to be :)

I think I've shared how GOD convicted me one day in regards to His "Perfect Timing"...It was glorious and shameful at the same time...Glorious, because it reminded me who is in control, how much He loves me, and that I, a nobody, was being used for the Glory of a King! Shameful, because it reminded me who is in control, how much He loves me, and that I, a nobody, was being used for the Glory of a King, and I didn't see certain details at the time....

If you didn't read about my conviction on His Perfect Timing, here it is in a nutshell:  I complained a lot of the time on how long the process took with adopting my Little Lovely...The LORD stopped me in my tracks, as I was praying to Him, to hurry the process...I felt the power of the Holy Spirit tell me, "My timing is perfect"  OUCH! Tears, sobs, snot, whimpering...More tears, more sobs, more snot, and more whimpering...On my knees I went asking and begging for forgiveness....Ugh, it was horrible! 

Obviously, after that I didn't pray to, "make it quick" anymore...When people say, "It's been so long"....You will hear me say, "Yes, it's GODS perfect timing" (I learn my lessons)... And with His perfect timing at hand, we are in the exact place, at the exact time, in the exact position for His journey to start to coming to a close...

As you know, at the trial on July 12th, there was a no show for parents and so the court granted the TPR...You can read about my emotional experience on that July 12th post...They also gave 30 days to the parents to come and relinquish their rights, so that they wouldn't have a TPR on their record...That means they were given that time to come in and basically sign their rights over...That didn't happen :-/  
So we proceeded...On August 12th we signed a million adoption papers, proudly...At this point, we had to wait till the TPR paperwork was processed from the court...This would take 2 days to 2 weeks for the TPR to come back from the court to the adoption people...That already happened...We called an attorney, notarized some papers, paid a fee, and now we have to wait another 2 weeks for the paperwork to get filed electronically with the court...Once that gets back to the attorney and adoption people, then we schedule a court date for the final, final process and that takes 30-45 days, I am told :) 

It seems as though everyone is on the edge of their seat, excited, as we are very close to the end...I've been very monotone about the whole ordeal for a few months now...I almost respond, when asked if I'm excited, with a balanced sense of emotion...I do know, however, on that day in court, all that balanced sense of emotion will be out the door, and I'll be tipping the scale with excitement praising my JESUS!!!  

I leave you with this verse as I wished it came to me in an earlier time, before I had to be convicted of His perfect timing....But hey, remember, His timing is perfect even when He wants to reveal His Word to you!!



This vision is for a future time.  It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed....Habakkuk 2:3





July 12, 2013

(Glory has meet my suffering-Part 2)

WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW 

  What more can I say WOW!!! 


I will admit a while back when I started my walk with the LORD I didn't understand prayer...If GOD is all knowing why pray?  Why not just trust and worship Him?  The LORD spoke to me in His word and in my heart that HE loves when we come to Him, ask things of Him, spend time with Him and yearn for our hearts desires...So there it was I got my answer as to why I should be praying to my GOD...I always prayed, but now I pray with understanding....Along with all of that, I have seen prayers answered in small ways and just recently over the past 3 months-radically!!! 


As you know today was the trial date for our Little Lovely...The birth mom didn't show up...All of the people involved showed up...I still had that sense of Peace pouring over me, but I will admit I was a bit nervous only because "it's a court room", very intimidating...When I was called into the court room, the birth mom's lawyer said to the judge that she request the birth mom have 30 days to relinquish her rights...Then the lawyer left...Hmmm, what does that mean?? A sweet friend of mine, also a foster mom, showed up to support me, sat behind me,  squeezed my shoulder and whispered,  "this is good"...The DA called the case worker up to the stand, asked questions, stepped down off the stand and the judge proceeded with.................

TERMINATING PARENT RIGHTSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!!!! My stomach sank (in a good way)...The judge stated all that was happening for the record and the termination of parent rights granted!!!!


The case worker comes over to me,  throws her sweet, loving, relief-ing arms around me and starts to sob with tears of joy! I start crying, my sweet friend started to cry, I couldn't breath because I was so overjoyed with the news I cried out, "I keep my baby" ?????? The judge asked who I was and the DA said, the foster mom...He thanked me, I thanked him...I leave the court room still in awe of this news and the case worker hugs me again and we sob, and sob and sob....Thanking and praising GOD!!! 

 

WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, what a day!!!


We still need to keep on praying though...Birth mom could appeal this, but it's really not likely because she didn't show up today...The court has granted the TPR and birthmom will have 30 days to sign a relinquish form so that she won't have a TPR on her record because she is so young...Please continue to pray for her...I do have compassion and love for her in my heart and I really would love to see her life turn to JESUS!!!


Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your prayers, support, love and everything else you all have showered us with...


Praise the LORD Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens.  Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness.   Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, praise him with timbrel and dancing, praise him with the strings and pipe, praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals.Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord......Psalm 150:1-6


July 11, 2013

(Glory has meet my suffering)

As I prepare myself tonight, I'm expecting, nervousness, anxiety, and fear...I feel none of that...I don't know how tomorrow will be, but I know right now all I feel is Peace...It's actually unreal in comparison to the days of brokenness I've had, and so with that, another praise to my Sweet Lord JESUS for giving His people the power and the faith to pray for us!!! Really, thank you all...I can't believe how calm my heart, and stomach is for that matter....Even when I try to think about what could be, I almost feel like I would be forcing the tears to come out because of this amazing calmness I have...


I've been focusing my thoughts on JESUS and have been reflecting on simply who HE is...Any of my tears throughout the day have been the same tears I shed when I think about my Amazing GOD...Just the thought of who HE is when I mediate chokes me up...You know what I''m taking about...JESUS, REDEEMER, HEALER, MIGHTY PHYSICIAN, COMFORTER, FATHER, HOLY, PRINCE OF PEACE and so much more!!! To think this GOD loves wretched me so much, makes a bloody cross look beautiful and has a place for me in Heaven, for eternal life, is what priority needs to be...


Glory has met my suffering and HE has given me the Peace He promises to us in HIS Word...I thank all of you again for keeping me and my family and this situation in your prayers...It's truly a humbling experience...

Love!



July 9, 2013


Still having moments of that sick feeling in my stomach more than ever this week…I am in desperate need of prayer for myself, my family and Little Lovely…It has come to that time where a decision is to be made if we get to keep our Little Lovely…As I type, I have thoughts of her not being with us and it feels like I’m preparing for a death! We are really praying, begging and pleading with GOD that it would be HIS will for her to stay with us forever…I know HIS ways are higher than our ways, I know I trust HIM with my life, I know I have to trust HIM with hers…I know HE loves her more than I ever could and I know that HIS will is perfect no matter the decision…That part might take me some time to get over (if His will is for her to go back)…I will praise HIS Holy and Precious name till the day I die and even after that…HE is my GOD, my Hope, my Peace, and my Savior and I know HE loves me and only wants better than the best for me…

 

 

As many tears and heart ache I have put myself through, Friday could go in my favor…I have to say as much as I wanted to know from the beginning if this child was going to be mine, at this stage I’m grateful the LORD didn’t reveal that information to me…As a daughter of a KING so gracious, I’m honored to be at HIS Mercy… I am at no one’s mercy, but HIS! All that I do is not in vain to HIM and I know, that I know, that I know HE will continue to bless me…This experience has forced me to be at the Foot of the Cross…When I am there with thanksgiving, prayer and worship to a King so gracious, loving and amazing, there really is no other place I would rather be…It’s so much more magnified when you pour your heart’s desire out to HIM during your trials… It almost feels like His hand is touching my head telling me, “It will be ok, my daughter.” I’ve never had to experience this kind of trial in my life while walking with JESUS…I’ve heard scripture verses a thousand times, and I have to say a lot of them have recently come alive in my life...

 

 

Our prayer request is simple…We want to keep Little Lovely forever!!! A few different things can happen on Friday…Either they can terminate birth mom’s rights, reunify, or give her more time… Please also pray for Salvation for all involved…If the birth mom doesn’t know JESUS then to me that is the most important prayer…Regardless of my feelings and request, Salvation is first! I can’t begin to tell you how humbled I am to have all of you in my life, whether I know you or not, talk to you daily or not…It encourages me to know how many people are dedicated to pray and to pray for me, for that matter…GOD is an amazing GOD and I pray that through this journey of mine HE has strengthened your walk…Trusting in a GOD so amazing really brings Peace in the most difficult situations…

 

 

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you…Philippians 4:6-9

 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.   If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.   But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.   That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do….James 1:2-8


June 21, 2013

I just read my last update…Wow, I was broken…I remember those feelings of loss and I didn’t even have a loss…It certainly felt like it at the time…The LORD has done amazing things in my life since my last update..It’s pretty awesome how GOD does these things for His glory and my sanity...As I crawled to the Cross of comfort daily after the news of the birth mom’s return, I now see the reason and the need personally in my life as to why…He’s used part of this journey I’m on to transform parts of me that needed to be “fixed”…It’s so funny to me what the LORD uses to transform things I struggled with that had nothing to do with the situation at hand…But nonetheless, I’ll take it! 

 

So with all that said, let me just share from my experience the importance of our moment by moment walk with the LORD…It’s a must, it’s essential, you have to, there’s no other way, don’t delay, it’s like breathing…Do I make myself clear? Practice, practice being with GOD moment by moment…We are human and so it’s not easy and you will fail every time…But, if you can be aware that it’s a need in your walk then think and practice of it every chance you get…Don’t wait for trials to practice this moment by moment walk with GOD, put it into practice now…I always knew this and was practicing it, but when that birth mom came back, my priorities and needs changed…Let’s just say as much as I was practicing, more was needed…

 

 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”. James 1:2-3 

 

Wow, I’m speechless! I just read this about 4x just now, in awe! God’s word is amazing…It’s SOOOO true…As I share my story with people I NOW find myself saying it was a huge blessing to my walk with the LORD that the birth mom came back…I still thank the LORD for my time with Him at the Cross and my time now with Him at the Cross…The Cross of comfort is also the Cross of Peace! Come to think of it, it’s the Cross for all aspects of our life…The foot of that Cross brings hope, peace, love, joy, trust, patience, and more and more and more…I still have to remember to practice being at that Cross moment by moment…

 

So, the update is this: birth mom had her 2nd baby, she turned 18 yrs old, new baby has sickle cell anemia L, we started visits L, they didn’t go well, sometimes she showed for the visit sometimes she didn’t…Visits are now cancelled because she took off out of state again with new baby… Birth mom said she would be back the for trial date July 12th…We are told by the case worker either birth mom has to relinquish her rights or they will TPR…Please continue to pray for the birth mom’s salvation, the new baby’s health and salvation…I will update soon after that…As for my Little Lovely she’s more amazing than we could have ever imagined…We are terribly in love with her…I can’t believe we have gotten to love on her all this time…She is probably the happiest baby I’ve been around in a long time…Her health is amazing (Praise JESUS) and she continues to keep us on our toes daily…Thank you for reading my updates on this privilege of a journey we are on and thank you for continued prayer…

 

March 18, 2013

The time is almost near for what is to come for our future with Little Lovely…March 26th at 9:00am to be exact! The TPR is set to take place…This day has been a long time waiting, and I still wait…A few times since my last post I have broken down because of things I have seen that I can’t mention (I’m sorry)…As I pulled myself together, crawling to the Cross for Comfort, I again break down…The birth mom has arrived after almost 11 months of no contact, with a surprise waiting inside her…Yes, she is pregnant and due any day! I sigh, I cry, I weep, I worry, I fear, I’m scared, I’m devastated! Now what???? I keep getting reassured and encouraged by everyone not to worry myself about it…Easier said than done…
I seek the LORD…He has prepared me for what is to come, this I know because when I heard the news, I looked back in my journal on what HE wants me to do…It seems so easy as I read the words on the paper, yet I can’t seem to stay there…Lay your burdens down, seek first the Kingdom of GOD, trust, sacrifice, surrender, prostrate yourself before me…All of these things, all of these lovely messages from the living GOD!  And, behind all of those little messages, is Peace… Every single burden, HE says for me to lay at HIS Cross…I do and I feel Peace, but I keep picking it back up…My thoughts, of this new information about Little Lovely, consumes me to the point of that sick feeling you get in your stomach when you feel loss…She’s still here!! In my arms!!  I need to stop!! And I do, but it’s on and off…My GOD, my JESUS, my Love, my Peace, my Comforter, always waiting for me…Every time I fall…I’m so thankful for the relationship that I have with my GOD…HE’S the only thing that will never fail me, and I’m grateful for the Grace upon Grace each time I get, each time I fall…
I don’t know what the LORD’S will is in this situation, but I do know what HE wants me to do…That I have going for me…There really is no other place for me to be at, except to focus on HIM, simply because who HE is...The other day in my quiet time the LORD showed me I focus too much on my circumstances and that I have no idea what HE is doing on the other side of it…No matter what the outcome, I am to focus on HIM…
I’m very thankful for my husband in this situation, who is always a realist, yet sometimes to real and I want to ring his neck! I personally think it’s a defense mechanism to hide his feelings…He would disagree if he reads this…HA! I love you, baby! I’m also very thankful to my family & friends, each of them has left me with words of comfort or scripture verse for me to say over and over in my head as I try to take my thoughts captive…And trust me, I am, because I really, really want my testimony to glorify GOD, and I don’t want to take anything away from HIS glory by how I action and what I say-so please continue to pray for us…I will update again once we find out more information! Thanks to all of you who continue to pray for us…It blesses me so much!

These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold -- and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world….1 Peter 1:7

 

February 18, 2013

Well, I thought it’s about time I updated on my Little Lovely…Since my last post, adoption process is still the same…Nothing new to report…Ugh! I did ask the LORD to grant me patience, boy is this hard! Yet, as hard as it is, it’s so righteous on HIS part to use this in my life to grant me that patience…I pray I am glorifying HIM in the process and pray hard to stay in control of myself…As I said before, fostering is grueling! In spite of that, it is a journey I wouldn’t trade…

It looks like the TPR (terminate parental rights) should happen around March/April…I know, it’s finally right around the corner…Anything at this point can happen though…If birth mom comes back and shows interest, this process will last a veryyyy long time…I pray I can hold on…Well, really who am I kidding?  I’m fighting till the end for her…I’m her mother!  Anyway, they say if the TPR goes through and gets approved they will go ahead and start the adoption process immediately…I really hope that’s how it happens…My husband doesn’t want to pursue another child to adopt until we know what is going on with our Little Lovely…As much as I don’t like the way that sounds, he’s probably right…

So lately my Little Lovely goes through what most toddlers go through as they grow…She was actually in the hospital the first week in December with that familiar wheezing sound we all know so well…As I held her in my arms trying to determine where the sound was coming from, it reminded me of the times last year when we rushed her to the hospital (more than once)…If the “having trouble breathing sound” comes from her chest, that is an indication to take her to the “heart” hospital…If the sound is coming from her throat, that is an indication to take her to where her ENT(ear, nose, throat) doctor is…I learned that quickly last year when I rushed her to the ER “heart” hospital thinking it was her heart failing,  when in turn it was her windpipe closing up…I remember the nurses being annoyed with me because now they had to do a ton of paperwork AND get an ambulance that would transport her from one hospital to the next because certain doctors couldn’t work in certain hospitals (liability issues)…”Whatever lady, you think I care about your paperwork”  I wanted to say…Well I kind of did say it, but in a much nicer way…I think…HA!  My patience was definitely tested during that time…I failed many…But, thanks to a Gracious GOD I get plenty of do over’s…In that December week I did take her into the ER because she developed croup…With her getting croup she coughs and irritates her windpipe which is smaller than normal babies because she was intubated  twice last year and has scar tissue…When that gets irritated it closes up and she needs steroids to open it back up…With all that said, she stayed overnight and was released the next day!! Whew!

Little Lovely was a late walker,  she started taking off 100% at 15 months…I was so glad when she did because it was hard to hold her when I didn’t have the stroller…She also has 12 teeth and eats whatever SHE wants, whenever SHE wants…She absolutely loves to grab anything electronic (what toddler doesn’t, right?)…Her day is spent walking around the house, pretty much owning the area…It’s her runway, and we adore every minute of it…She loves Yo Gabba Gabba (I still don’t know why), enjoys playing with her toys and loves to make us laugh…She’s a happy, healthy baby girl…Well, with the exception of her heart condition along with her pacemaker…

Speaking of that…We did take her in for a routine check up in January 2013 and come to find out, one of her leads (wire from pacer to her heart) was not connected!!! With a quick prayer and the help of a educated pacemaker doctor she is fine…It’s amazing how they can monitor everything the pacemaker does…The doctor was able to tell me when this happened, which was around Christmas time…Well here we were almost a month later and she was fine from the time the lead disconnected till we found out that day in the doctor’s office…Guess who had Little Lovely in HIS hands! That’s right the One and Only!! Oh how HE’S in control…Thankful for that! 

As always please continue to pray for me and the family…And of course, the birth parents for Salvation….

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer...Romans 12:12

 

November 29, 2012


Today marks 1 year with our Little Lovely…My, has so much happened in the past year!  Think about your own year on how many things have passed by, and so fast…It’s crazy…Little Lovely is doing amazingly AWESOME in every aspect of her little life…She is probably the happiest baby I’ve ever seen, she is clever, funny and as goofy as any Novack baby could be at almost 14 months…We are in love, invested and complete with her in our lives…As I love on her a million times a day, along with my husband and boys I can’t imagine life without her…When I stick my nose in the nape of her neck smelling her sweet baby scent, I pull back with a sigh of contentment, but just for that moment…My next sigh is a misery I just don’t want to think about…

 

I do think about this past year, and often wonder if my days were wasted on myself or did I press on for the Kingdom of GOD!  My walk with CHRIST has increasingly grew through all of this…HE has not only shown me Grace and Mercy as I’ve never seen it before, but miracles right before my eyes…Many times during this adoption process I found myself faced down before the LORD begging for HIS will to be mine…I still don’t know if keeping our Little Lovely is in HIS plan for our lives, and so we wait, and wait patiently, willingly and joyfully…It’s hard sometimes to do all that because, well, I’m human what can I say…Phewy!


We are at the stage where the courts have approved the TPR (termination of parental rights) process to go forth…This as I mentioned is a “process”…The paperwork is done and now we wait for the court date…I text messaged the case worker to ask if a date has come up, she said no…Along with her “no” she mentioned the birth mom has called, but hung up on her…My heart sank and the knife in my stomach was pushed in deeper with anguish over the thought of losing my sweet Little Lovely…I hate this…I hate this…I hate this…I hurt to think about it and so I need my JESUS’ comfort to bring me back down the lowest level HE was at…

The CROSS!

I know, that I know, that I know no matter what the outcome is HE knows, HE knows, HE knows what is best for us! It’s the only hope I hold onto…HIS ways are higher than my ways, and I have to trust HIM…

 

Why would any other place besides our home be best for our little Lovely? We nurtured her back to health…We’ve given her love beyond love…We will raise her up in the ways and adoration of the LORD…She will have a chance in life that she might not have had…Heck, she could live a long life instead of being neglected to the point of death!  I don’t ask those questions anymore…I trust and sit at the feet of JESUS and wait for HIM to show me how HE will be glorified through our lives…Please keep us in your prayers and thank you to all who have not stopped!

 

 Romans 8:25

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

 


October 1, 2012 

It doesn't seem real that we celebrated out little Lovely's 1st Birthday today...Oh, how I wish I could post a picture of my little chocolate princess! She is beautiful, magnificent, amazing, clever and just a sweet blessing from the LORD! 

Even if it was our last day with her (I cringe as I say this) we are still blessed! We are definitely vested in this relationship...When your BOYS stop playing their boy things and want to play with their Lovely, you know there in love...It's so sweet, they take time out just to play with her...Forget when   she wakes up from a nap, my boys fight..."Mom, he got to carry her downstairs yesterday." "Mom, I want to sit next to her." "Mom, no fair, he always gets her first"...Ha! Music to my ears...

What more could a mom ask for?  

Today I text messaged the case worker to remind her about Lovely's birthday...She was so excited and said she would put the TPR through today as her birthday present  (TPR-terminate parent rights)!!! 

Sounds great, but to me, it's not real until Lovely takes our last name...It does look pretty good for us, but you just never know what is going to happen when your on this end of it...Foster care is hard, but don't be discouraged...

It's a journey, it's a blessing, and it will test your faith...But remember, the King of King's already knows who our baby is and HE knows who your baby will be....If you remember, please continue to pray for us but, most of all,  please pray for the birth mom's Salvation...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future...Jeremiah 29:11



 March 12, 2012
 

New surprises come on a daily basis around here…Trinity has been seen by many doctors since she’s been out of the hospital…She actually got out March 3rd…I was surprised and excited that day I went for a visit…She’s been home and doing awesome…The problem is she’s on these dang steroids and they are just no good for her…Heck, there no good for anyone…As I mentioned before she eats like a beast because of it, but she is thriving and doing awesome…It’s been a bit of challenge getting her to take her meds, actually it’s stressful to me…The nurse showed me how to put the syringe toward the back of her cheek so that she can’t spit it out, but it’s not working for me…She gags, chokes, gurgles and cries…It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just 1x per day, but it’s 13x a day….My other challenge is to get her to sleep through the night…  Since she is on diuretics, it makes her pee so much…So during the night she wakes up because she is soaked through her diaper, pj’s, & bed sheets…Aaaa, but now I put 2 diapers on her…It helps…
 
So my new prayer request is for this Thursday …Trinity’s ENT doc wants her to go into the hospital for a procedure to check to make sure her throat is not closing again…If it’s not, she will go home that day…If it is, then the ENT doc will do a surgery on her…I believe he said he would cut or laser off the scar tissue that is blocking her airway…If he does have to do that and her throat still end up closing in the near future, they will have to do a trachea!! So please pray for Trinity that her throat has not closed at all…

Her heart is doing SO good…The cardiologist was excited for her and said once she is out of the woods he will figure out what is making her heart function work…It’s either the new pacemaker, her meds, or both…I pray it’s her pacemaker…Even though she will have to get it replaced several times throughout her life, still anything is better than all those meds in her little body… The steroids for her windpipe are actually thickening the walls of her heart which is not good… So please pray she can get off those soon!  Her lungs have also been clear which makes sense because her heart is functioning properly…Praise JESUS!!
 
Besides Trinity’s health we have been dealing with other issues…Remember, the foster care system here tells us their #1 goal is to reunify parent with child…I don’t know what will happen, but we are here for Trinity…I pray the LORD will allow us to keep her, but we are not clear what HIS will is for her life, so we just wait and trust in HIM because no matter what He is Good and so, then we will be also…



Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight...Proverbs 2:5-6

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March 2, 2012 


My Little Lovely is having a setback…After getting her home on the 19th she didn’t last very long and is now back in the hospital…I think I see GOD’S purpose and I still praise HIM...We really never know what HE is doing or why, but it’s so vital we trust HIM, with everything no matter who or what, trust in the One who knows ALL things…HE will never let you down and you will NEVER regret it…This I know….

She was doing so good my little Lovely…She gained 2-1/2 pounds in a week and a half…She’s so chunky, I love it...Giving her these med’s has been a challenge for me…13x a day is a lot when she fights it…I recently quit my job because of it…My husband switched his schedule and we both work on Wednesday…It was stressing me out thinking of who would be responsible every week  to watch her…That soon didn’t last and my husband ask me to quit…I tried to just give up my Wednesdays, but he said we will manage without it…I have to say I was not ready to quit…This job has been a huge blessing for my family and our finances…This past Wednesday was my last night of work…I didn’t want to go because Trinity started to wheeze and her chest was slightly retracting…Not good…I dropped her off with my BFF Rachel and had no worries as far as Trinity being cared for, but I just worried for Trinity’s situation…Rachel was texting and sending me video of Trinity and that’s all I had to see…I left work, picked her up and took her to the ER…They said, “everything looks great she just has a cold and since you’re seeing the lung Dr. tomorrow morning he will take care of whatever is going on with her”…She did calm down and didn’t seem to be retracting at all…So, we went home…

Thursday the lung Dr. sees her and prescribes her steroids and solution for a breathing treatment…Great, this will end soon…Thursday night my husband held her, almost in tears and said she is not doing good…I took her again to the ER…Let me remind you it’s not a 5-10 minute ride…It’s 25-30 minutes…I want her in a children’s hospital, it’s the best one in Vegas and worth it…They admit her…So many mistakes happened along the way, it’s too much for me to type up and not important, but is very stressful…The bottom line is her windpipe is closing again from scar tissue being inflamed, since she was intubated twice…That means they have to transfer her to the dirty hospital that I hate for the procedure because the ENT Dr. can’t do surgery at the children’s hospital…It’s such crap and all about money, I’m sure…

So as of right now birth mom is at the hospital again, and I am not…I obviously slept there last night, but only till about 3 am, birth mom showed up so I had to leave and drive home…Another part of things I can’t discuss…Please pray for Trinity tonight…Pray the LORD will protect her from infections and anything else that will hold her back from being a successful procedure… They checked everything else with her condition and she is doing great…All her numbers for her heart are excellent, her lungs are clear, it’s just this issue with her windpipe…I do believe they said if this doesn’t work she will have to get a trachea…That will totally stink, but I will still be excited because that doesn’t have to be there forever…All the major things going on with Trinity are under control for the time being….

Thank you for praying for my little Lovely…I love her much…Pray for us too! OH, and another important prayer request…Little Ella and her mom Sandra!!! I was walking out to my car last night and saw Sandra…I grabbed her, pulled her into me and squeezed her with a hug…She probably thinks I’m nuts…But, please, please pray for her…Her daughter is back in the hospital and it’s REALLY bad…She got a yeast infection through her port in her heart…If the yeast infection reaches a major organ, Ella will die…They can’t remove the port because she will bleed out... Sandra told me she doesn’t have very long…I asked her if I could see Ella and so today I did… She’s amazing…I walked in an introduced myself to Ella and demanded she hug me…She did… It told Sandra there is always hope in CHRIST JESUS and to not give up…Please, send this out to anyone that will dedicate this child to their prayer list…Both prayer requests…For Trinity and Ella and family…

Could it be Trinity was hospitalized for the purpose of me seeing Sandra and Ella again?

Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things…Ecclesiastes 11:5
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February 13, 2012

Wow, I’m so sorry…I know it’s been a while, but life has been busy…I still have to tend to life, along with tending to Trinity in the hospital everyday…It will be 7 weeks this Friday that she will be in the hospital…I only cared for her for 5 weeks before she went into the hospital…I’m so ready for her to come home…So much going on, and I can’t even mention half of it…I can talk about Trinity’s health, so here it goes…

She has been progressing really well…I don’t know if I mentioned, but she did have to be intubated again…That was twice…It really takes a toll on a person to be in that stage, imagine a baby…Trinity’s heart has been working fine since the new pacemaker was put in, but then we were dealing with her lungs…When the heart don’t work, nuttin works! Her lungs kept collapsing because her heart was enlarged and so her lungs were getting crushed…Apparently, the heart was shrinking, but the damage to the lungs still needed to be dealt with…I think I’m saying all this right…She had fluid in her lungs so they kept having to do this B-tap, cap, sap, pap, I don’t remember…But anyway, this mask would get suctioned to her face with tape made with yeast (it smells after a while)..The mask would pump pressure into her lungs to get her lungs to expand…She HATED it!! She started to improve, so they had it off for 12 hours and then back on for 12 miserable hours…The mask almost covered her entire face…All I could see was her eyes looking at me in tears, but no sound coming out of her mouth because when they extubated her, she had a sore throat from it…Poor thing!!!!!! It broke my heart…

Finally, that part was over and she was able to breathe on her own…Immediately, she started to smile, laugh and be my little Lovely again…THEN, we had to teach her how to drink from her bottle again…Everything was going great for Trinity…All she had to do was drink from a bottle and go home…Well, it was taking time…I kept hearing from the nurses she would only take 1 ounce of formula for them…Then they would have to attached the feeding tube…Hmmm, let me try….You know momma had her drinking down some milk…I got her to drink 3 ounces the first time I fed her…Then next day I stayed for hours and fed her 3x…In an 8 hour stretch she drank 15oz!! BAM! I was determined to get that baby outta there…If she didn’t feed through the bottle they would attached the feeding tube and that would set her back because they said she HAS to drink from a bottle consistent…This was Saturday…After her last feeding that night they said a few babies were coming into the unit and Trinity was the least critical and they needed the room…DID YOU HEAR THAT?  WHEWWW, music to my ears!! They moved her to a less critical floor…Praise JESUS!!!

Well, today she had to go back up to ICU…Dang, it was a good 2 days that’s for sure…Just a minor setback…She still has some fluid in her lungs…They will give her something so that she will pee it out! I think if all goes well she will be home in 2-3 days…Then the fun begins with the foster care situation…Either way, I praise JESUS-HE knows it all…I’m just continuing to stay at HIS feet knowing I can trust my Father in Heaven and give HIM my worship, praise and honor that HE so deserves!

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts… Isaiah 55:9



 January 22, 2012

Psalm 139:16 You saw me before I was born...EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE WAS RECORDED IN YOUR BOOK...Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed...

A dear friend gave me that verse to meditate on....It has given me more Peace than I had before...HIS Word has power....
I found out this afternoon Trinity has taken a turn for the worst...She will need a heart transplant!!!!....She was intubated again because they need to keep her calm for a test they need to do in the morning...This test will confirm exactly what her heart is doing...There is hope in CHRIST JESUS...I can't help but be in wonder & awe of the LORD...This Peace I have is truly unexplainable...I'm praising JESUS no matter what circumstances have come our way with Trinity or what will come...GOD is so on HIS Throne & I feel HIS presence in my heart...I thank Him for allowing us to be invited to something so big & to witness HIS Glory...Its amazing how many lives are being touched by this...I'm humbly asking for prayer again for Trinity, the drs, nurses, birthmom, case workers, & us of course, that the LORD would pour His Mercy & Wisdom upon us....Thank you again & please forward this to everyone that prays to JESUS CHRIST LORD & SAVIOR!!!!!


 JANUARY 16, 2012

Yesterday I thought I would have some good news to type on my blog about Trinity, but after today’s visit my good news turned to not such good news…Yesterday they told me she would be able to handle the bigger pacemaker, and her heart would be able to function properly with it…Well, today they said that didn’t seem to be the case…Her heart is so weak they just don’t feel a pacemaker is the going to make her heart function properly…They are going to discuss possible solutions, if there are any, and if there are not then they will have to prepare for the heart transplant :(

I was in tears today looking at Trinity’s little body laying there…She’s so sweet to look at even with wires coming out of every part of her body…I wonder what the birth mom was thinking when she saw me in tears...I wonder if it was weird for her…I don’t hold myself back from Trinity even with the mom there…I have to be who I am to Trinity regardless…When I come in to see Trinity I do my mommy thing…I don’t ask for permission I just do it…I don’t disrespect her birth mom in anyway, I just do what I only know how to do with Trinity…That is why I wonder what the birth mom is thinking…I hope it doesn’t hurt her feelings…How would I act otherwise?  I never say to Trinity, “momma love” or sing my songs to her about me being her mother…I think that would hurt the birth mom….I really hope she knows that I do love Trinity, but I also know I am not her mom…

Anyway, I came home thinking about what I would write on my blog post for the update, and the LORD immediately directed me not to worry about blog posting right now…I went in my room with my Bible and prayed to the LORD to minister to my heart about this entire situation, HE did…I was directed to the book of 2 Samuel 12:13-25…WOW!!!!

David confessed his sin against the LORD with Bathsheba…Remember he committed adultery…Nathan the prophet came to him and said, (paraphrasing) ”The LORD forgives you, and you won’t die for this sin…But, because you have shown contempt for the LORD, by doing this your child will die”…The LORD sent a deadly illness to the David’s child…David begged the LORD to spare the child…David went without food and lay all night on the bare ground…After 7 days the LORD took the child…You know what David did…Check this out!!

“Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the LORD. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate….      2 Samuel 12:20

His servants were confused and asked why have you stopped mourning and started eating we don’t get it…Check this out again!!

David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.”  2 Samuel 12:22-23

Anyway, I was blown away at the fact that after the LORD took David’s son to Heaven, David WORSHIPPED!!! The LORD continues to show me no matter what HE chooses to do in our lives we are to continue to worship and praise HIM no matter if we like the decision or not…HIS ways are higher than our ways… We are to rely, trust, be ready, and have faith in HIM, so that HE might choose to invite us to become involved with HIM and HIS work!!  

I also realized that our sin is so much more important to deal with than our request for HIM to heal…If HE wills a healing, it will be…I wanted to share that I trust JESUS and HIS ways…Please continue to pray to JESUS because HE desires that of us…Continue to ask HIM to heal Trinity, but please, no matter what the outcome is please praise and honor HIS precious name!!

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January 5, 2012




 
I listen to this song on my blog, "Here with me" by Mercy me…The song goes onto say, "I surrender to your Love" …Meaning JESUS’ Love…It’s easy when it’s something small, isn't it, but the big stuff? Hmm, a little tough…

What does surrender really mean?  Does it mean to give up temporarily?  A little bit? Sometimes? Once in a while? Do I do it?  Today I had to found out how to…And here it is…

My story…My Trinity…My Lovely…

She has been doing awesome…I mean awesome!! Just 3 days ago, not so awesome…She had a little bit of rattling in her nose...It was just there rattling away in her nose and sometimes stuck in her throat so she would gag or cough…So needless to say, we had some rough nights…When  she needed to eat, she had a hard time because she couldn’t breathe, so she wasn’t eating much..She really was not herself and I didn’t like that…At one point, I called the 24hr. cardiologist that was on call to get peace of mind that is was not heart related…He said he didn’t think so…Whew!

I went to her cardiologist appointment today…The Dr. is real cool…They love Trinity so much, she’s like a celebrity when I go to her visits, because she is so small and has a pacemaker...And of course, I dress her so stinking cute, you can’t resist looking at her…I get comments all the time…I love it!! I think I kind of like the attention she brings me...HA!  Kidding….

So as you can see in the photo she was getting her EKG… It’s normal for her condition…Then, I bring her into see the cardiologist and he starts the sonogram on her..Her heart is not pumping strong enough, and it needs too…Since she had that nose thing her heart has been working harder…Her heart is bigger than it should be at this point…Her left ventricle is larger than normal, the muscle is very thin, and is more like a sponge…Her pacemaker needs to be bigger, but since she is so small they can’t put a bigger one in until she is bigger…They are worried if she has any heart distress before she is big enough for the other pacemaker…
 
ME:  Well, what does that mean if she has heart distress 
        before the bigger pacemaker?  
DR:  That will mean she will possibly have to get a heart 
        transplant…
ME: ___________________________________________

I didn’t hear anything after that…I well up in tears, trying to contain myself from sobbing like a baby out loud because I want to hear about her condition…I collect myself, and continue to ask questions… The bottom line to this whole thing is, she has to stay healthy so that when she is bigger (before she is 1 yr old) she can get a bigger pacemaker to make her heart work the way it needs to...Prayerfully!!

When I came home I got really choked up…My husband already knew because we spoke on the phone…But, my boy Matt overheard us talking and said, 

MATT:  “Is she going to die”?
ME:      (choking up) “No, not right now”…You need to pray 
            her heart gets better…
MATT:  “Can I give her mine”?
ME:      ____________________________________________

Selfless…I pray I can be…..

So here it is, my prayer request, chain, whatever it is I need to do…Please, please, please, please, please put our girl on your prayer list…Pray for her…Keep her in your prayers…
Don’t forget about her…Each month I will bring her to her visits and I will post an update…Her heart needs to stay the same or get better in order for them to replace her pacemaker…Or pray the LORD will heal her completely…

Thank you all for reading this…Please pass this along to anyone you know will pray to JESUS for HIS healing if HE wills…We are at peace because we know HE is in control…
And we know no matter what happens, glory will be to HIS name!!! I thank JESUS for putting Trinity in our lives no matter the outcome…


Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you....James 1:27

June 23, 2012

I guess this would be a good time to update you all on Trinity (my little Lovely)…I started this a month and a half ago and just sat down tonight to update…So forgive me I know a lot of you have probably been wondering…Well here is the scoop…
Where do I start… I love her so much…It’s been 6-1/2 months since she came into our home!!! Not only do I love her, but my husband and my boys are mad for her…And, she is mad for them…Seriously, this sweet baby girl is doing amazingly awesome!!  All glory to JESUS, you know that!!  Since my last update the only thing that has changed is she is doing SO great the doctors are amazed and happy…They see that she is in a stable environment and needs to be in order to do so well…It was a tough road to follow after she got out of the hospital…Between doctor appts, visits, and court-I counted for just the month of March I was out of the house for one of those things, 20 days!! It wore me out…It was weekly I would break down to my husband, family & friends and just cry…I still had all the other responsibilities of a wife, mother and homeschooler…It was rough… I wouldn’t trade one day of this journey for anything in the world…My walk with the LORD, and what HE used to transform me in this time, is very, very, precious to me…I see things differently than I did before, and I praise JESUS HE invited me to be a part of HIS plan…Oh, I fleshed out, trust me, but Grace abounds that’s for sure (Romans 5:20)...He’s so gentle with me…

As of a month ago all visits have been cancelled with the birth mom until further notice…I don’t know what is going on or what will go on…We just continue to love Lovely everyday of our lives and cherish the days we still have with her…I remember praying for the LORD to change my husband’s heart so that we could foster to adopt a child…The LORD obviously did…Then my prayers shifted, and I ask the LORD to bring us an adoptable baby asap!  After fostering 6 babies and asking the LORD for us to keep each one, we got Trinity…You would think the first prayer request is to keep her, right?  Wrong…After being on my knees pleading with the LORD to please let us keep a child, I realized how wrong I was praying for these babies…Since I fall into habits of it always being about myself,  I realized once again it’s not…Hello? It’s not about me!! It’s about HIM and HIS Glory and the Kingdom…So I soon learned and put my prayer request in priority order…The last thing on my list when I pray for Trinity is to adopt her…So please continue to pray for my family and Trinity, but please pray for Trinity’s salvation, her birth mom’s salvation, Trinity’s health ,and then of course for us to keep Trinity…Whatever the LORD chooses in this journey, we hold this time dear to our hearts we will praise HIM no matter the outcome!

Thank you all for being patient with me…I promise to try and keep at it…
Seek HIM out, you won’t be disappointed!!

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'….Matthew  23:37



December 17, 2011


18 days with Trinity, and she is doing awesome with us…She has been poked, pricked, and jabbed, the poor thing…But, she is up to date with everything until January…Since she has a heart condition and she is so young she needs to keep up with her appointments…She is doing exceptionally well...If you were caring for her you wouldn’t think she had a heart condition..She’s the perfect baby…I love her sooo much! And so does the rest of the family…

So the “investigator” and the “permanency placement” person came over to the house the other day…”What?!?! 
A permanency what?  What does that mean?  Oh, sweet JESUS.” Exactly what that sounds like is what that means...
Yes, this could be it…BUT, anything can happen in this process…   Even though there are no visits right now, it doesn’t matter…An relative from Boise, Idaho could show up and they could get her…The birth mom is very young…I mean VERY young…I pray for her that she would get saved by JESUS, that HE would be her Savior…Then and only then could she live a full life…I know that’s how it was for me…I thought I was “living”, but I was fooled…JESUS saved me and now  I live for HIM and my life is abundant!!

You know, each time we were placed with a baby, anxiety & worry would come over me…When the phone rang, when someone visited, etc.  But not this time…I was in my quiet time the other day and the LORD showed me in HIS Word that it is a privilege to trust in HIM…And so, I have decided to lay this one at HIS feet…finally, I'm being obedient...
I do have peace in knowing GOD is in control all the time and HE has my best interest at hand…HE knows what is best for me more than I ever will...So I take that challenge on, knowing HIS will can be done through my life, and that maybe, just maybe I can have the privilege to be used for HIS Glory and Honor…As long as I don’t pick it back up again…Right? 

So help me out friends…Pray for me…Pray for Trinity…Pray for my family…Pray for birth mom…And Praise JESUS!

Philippians 1:29

For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him.(NLT)



November 30, 2011


We’re at it again with baby # 7, and her name is Trinity!!! Symbolic huh?  In this process of wanting to adopt so bad you think about the different signs and wonders of the LORD, like, ”Oh, could this be it, because of that?” It can be that way, you know, if HE chooses it to be that way…The truth is, everything in our lives and everything HE does through our lives is always a story, a miracle, a wonder, an awe!! And, the bottom line is, HE gets glorified and we get to be used…It’s a privilege, I know… 

So, my new baby girl Trinity, is awesome!! Why wouldn’t she be, right?  She is soo stinkin cute…Again, why wouldn’t she be? HA!  She is 9 weeks old, she’s 12 pounds, she’s had heart surgery already, AND she has a pacemaker!!! Yup, you heard it, this little bundle of joy has gone through all that…She really is a good baby… We picked her up yesterday and pray this would be the one the LORD picked for us…I pray all the time asking the LORD to allow the next baby to be adoptable…I ask if HE would clearly show me that there will be an adoption in our family, so at least I could know and then just wait…


But, a friend once told me if we knew everything the LORD was doing in our lives, we wouldn’t give HIM the glory as HE so deserves…Knowing just wouldn’t do it… I think about that…I ask for clarity all the time, but soon realize it’s not worth it…No matter how bad I want to know, I don’t want to know…So we wait again…What can I say, I’m living for CHRIST and my life’s worth is to be known to worship and glorify the One who saved me!!


But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint….Isaiah 40:31





November 4, 2011 
 
In a blink of an eye…
 
So after finding out dad is dad, I still had to continue the visits with grandma… Tuesday was court…The judge would tell the grandparents they can have their granddaughter, but that didn’t happen…Oh my gosh, is there hope? I spoke to the case worker the next day and she told me since the birth parents are not complying with the rules, Macy cannot go to the grandparents home because the birth parents live with grandparents…I’m thinking, “Soooo, kick them to the curb granny!” 

So today at the visit I was anxious because I was going to see granny and wanted info…We meet at Denny’s…She’s excited to see her granddaughter, I am excited for her…I ask, “So what happen?” She said, “I don’t know…All I know is I miss my grand baby, my son is gone and so is birth mom…The courts made them leave and now I have no one”…I’m thinking, again, “Who cares about the birth parents right now…Their not complying, and because they’re not, YOU don’t get your granddaughter!” She told me the case worker would come to her house today, but she doesn’t know what was going to happen…I was told court was in 2 weeks, so in my mind that is when Macy would probably go back…I was surprised the courts made the birth parents leave and that Macy was still not back with grandparents…I told granny, “GOD is in control…Even though I love this little girl, and you love this little girl, it doesn’t matter…GOD will put this baby where HE wants her to be, regardless of what WE think is best!”  She agreed, and said she was praying for that too…I told her I was praying for this entire situation, that I was praying for her personally, her husband & birth parents…She thanked me…I asked if I could pray with her and she said, “I’m good”...That’s all I have to say about that…


I got in my car, prayed, and asked the LORD again if Macy can be mine, and if she can’t be mine, then take her…HE did!!  5 hours later they called and said to bring Macy to the facility and that the grandparents will be caring for her…Didn’t I tell you it was a blink of an eye…Bam!!  Just like that…I cried of course…My husband had Macy in his arms, he called us over and we prayed over her…The boys were teary-eyed, but didn’t shed tears…Are they numb?  Gosh, I hope not…I got her ready, changed her, fed her, buckled her in her seat, and headed down to Child Haven…I talked to some friends along the way…Then,  just stayed in prayer the rest of the way and worshipped my sweet, loving JESUS!   There aren’t any more deep details after that…I just dropped her off, kissed her sweet little head, and handed her over to her sobbing with joy granny, and said good-bye…

It’s bitter sweet, I tell ya…It’s feelings I’ve never experienced before…I don’t understand how I can go on with this, yet want another baby…I wonder how much more I can take or my family can take…GOD knows, and that’s all I need to know… I know HE loves me so much…I know HE cares for my feelings, and I know HE is concerned with every detail of my life...As I meditate on all of this I soon understand what this Prince of Peace wants me to really think about…. HIM…Just HIM! When I think of HIS Holiness, HIS Grace, HIS Mercy, HIS Kingdom, I can’t help but be in awe of who HE truly is…That is the key to Life! HIM, HIM, HIM…And HE makes it all better, when we focus on just HIM! 

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth…..Colossians 3:2

October 28,2011


Well I don't have a long drawn out story about Macy, so I will just cut to the chase...Dad is dad! Macy will be going with the grandparents...I didn't find out from the case worker before I needed to be at the visit, so I found out from grandma...I meet her in the Denny's parking lot for the visit...Just her, as I requested...I asked if she had heard anything about paternity, she said, "YES, she's ours!" I smiled, hugged and congratulated her...She was overjoyed and honestly I was overjoyed for her...I told her to praise the LORD for HE knows what is best for everyone...She agreed...She thanked me sincerely, it made me feel good...


My son Matthew came with me to drop her off for her visit and heard the news when I did...We got in the car and he said, "I'm okay, mom."  I asked, "You know what the LORD says in HIS Word Matthew?" "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11...I couldn't get through it without getting choked up...Then Matthew asks me, "Are YOU ok?" 


I am okay, because I know my REDEEMER lives and HE loves me to death!!!!!


October 26, 2011

She is now 12 days old…Can you imagine how little they are at that age?  She is just precious…She is not your typical “meth” baby…If she is having any kind of withdrawal, we have not seen it…She sleeps 4 hours at a time, and eats about 3 oz. each feeding…She cries when she is hungry or when she needs to be changed... Again the LORD blessed us with an amazing baby…Really with babies like this, it’s very unlikely they are “normal” babies…Even my doctor was impressed with her…He couldn’t believe she was drug exposed, or that she still has drugs in her system, for that matter…

My stomach turns as I head toward the building for Macy’s visit, this past Friday… Outside the building I see “them”... It’s a stomach turning site…I’m sick at the situation and I pray as I walk toward them…They have no idea who I am because the car seat is covering the baby…We are in this 2x2 lobby and I ask,  “Are you mom?”  She was…We walk into the conference room, me, case worker, mom, “dad” and “grandparents”…It’s completely uncomfortable…We had small talk...I leave… After returning to pick up Macy-the only mommy she knows, I made arrangements to meet again on Monday for a visit…This time they want a 2 hour visit and they want to bring her across town to meet her “great-grandparents”…

WHAT?!?! “Your not taking my daughter across town in YOUR car!”  
 I wanted to say…

As my stomach continues to turn, I’m praying inside to the LORD to give me the words to speak to them, so they can at least hear something about the LORD… Maybe if birth mom does hear it, maybe the LORD will open her eyes to HIS truth, and she can give her life to CHRIST, and supernaturally HE takes the drugs away, and she can raise her daughter up in the LORD! That is my prayer…Continually… I told each of them I was praying for them individually…They thanked me…I left…It truly is my heart’s desire to want to adopt this little princess, but seriously, if this birth mom received the Gift of Salvation, got straight and worshipped JESUS, I would proudly hand Macy over to her, with joy…

Monday comes and I still have the sick feeling in my stomach as I head to the visit… I think it’s a feeling of having my Spirit & flesh at war inside of me…My mouth speaks gentleness to them, the best I humanly can…And inside, I’m a raging animal (I'm thinking wildebeest) ready to verbally attack birth mom & dad to ask why the heck their ruining their lives and the lives of others!!!  I leave crying again to the LORD...HE quickly comforts me as I received awesome prayer from a friend…I get back 2 hours later anxious to pick up my girl…I ask how their visit went with the “great-grandparents”…”Grandma” tells me they didn’t go they went and took the DNA test to find out paternity…I praise the LORD because the case worker told me the paternity test was scheduled November 3rd and then after 3 weeks we would find out if “dad” is “dad”…I had asked the LORD in my prayer time if HE could make this quick, and that HE did…I will find out the results this Friday…

If it be HIS will for us to have Macy, it will be…If it not be HIS will for us, I accept it…I praise JESUS for the relationship I have with HIM…I can’t imagine not having this deep relationship with my GOD,  and going through disappointments without HIM…Even though I get disappointed I know HE controls all of what happens in my life, I trust HE knows what’s better for me...And because I have a deep love for HIM and HIM for me more, I can be OK just knowing I’m in HIS will…

“You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory”… Psalm 73:24







October 20, 2011
We got to NAME her!!!!

Boxing gloves on…. Heart ready…Bell rings…Going great for a few rounds then BAM!!! “A punch to the face!”

If you read my last foster/adopt blog post you know how disappointed I was when “China” went back so soon…After I posted I heard a lot from friends and family with some good and encouraging information that I still need to research….I praise the LORD, give HIM glory, and wait on HIM…This is the request of my husband…My husband has a lot of wisdom in the LORD and I’m grateful and understand why the LORD wants our husbands to be the Spiritual leader in the home…Even if I don’t like it…But, I love my JESUS more and know it’s for HIS glory….So, we wait!

After making phone calls and gathering more information on our wants in this foster/adopt process, I get a call…This call is different from all the rest of the calls I have gotten…It’s the “planned placement” department, which is apparently different than the “emergency placement” department…”Emergency placement” is where my babies WERE coming from…”Planned placement” seems to be more of a long term-forever placement department…Soon as he says his name I already knew which department he was from…My heart is pounding as he’s talking to me and telling me about this baby girl that needs placement…

Mom is on drugs (Meth)…She delivered this baby 4 days ago AT HOME!! Got scared and both of them had to be rushed to the emergency room…Baby girl has drugs in her system, as a result of that, she has a heart condition that is stable, but needs monitoring… No tremors or shakes from withdrawals…That’s all the information I received…I talk it over with my husband and we decide to go for it…Oh, and she doesn’t have a name!!!

I’m jumping up and down in excitement because this situation is so different from any of the others babies I have had…Mom on drugs, not sure about dad, other kids already taken away, baby doesn’t have a name, worker kept using the term “if”, meaning “if” mom comes around…I can’t explain the joy in my heart and in my Spirit of this “new” feeling I have…Is this the Holy Spirit prompting me that this is it? Or is this my emotions, again?   

We decided to call her “Macy”…We’ve always said when we adopt our daughter she will be a  “Macy”…Me and the boys arrive at the hospital…We get to the newborn NICU, introduce myself, and everyone is very welcoming…They said she is doing fine, she is sleeping and eating…Since she was tested positive for drugs, she is surprisingly doing well…They led me to her…Me and the boys are already in love…So sweet, so innocent, so alone…But, not for long…  Mommy’s here…I pick her up, kiss, and love her…The boys do the same…

They treated me like her mom, giving me all the supplies a new mom would get…We got to put her first outfit on, I sign the papers…They wanted to wheelchair me down to my car…LOL…I refused the wheelchair, but they did walk me out…What really got me excited was when they asked if I wanted the hospital announcement cards that go in the crib…I’m in awe, as if I delivered her…We get her home, my husband eyes are glassy, we’re excited and embrace our little “Macy” all night long….

Now the punch to the face!!!!!

The phone rings the next day and my heart drops when I see the first 3 numbers of the phone number (455)…It’s the case worker…The courts are allowing her to have mom visit twice a week to bond…I’m really not worried to much about that…But, if the dad is the dad that she says he is, and he gets clear, “Macy” will go to him…If he is a druggie, then his relatives or her relatives can be eligible to get “Macy”…
The mom also ended up naming her after the fact…But you will know her as “Macy” as I share…I guess it works out for privacy purposes on their end…

Pray, pray, pray…I was sad, disappointed and tears well up in my eyes, but I’m soon reminded of my KING and how Sovereign HE really is…I ask, I pray, and beg HIM of my wants…I promised HIM I would praise HIM no matter the outcome…And I continue to do so…I shift my focus on HIS Sweet, Gentle, Love for me and pull my attention to HIS KINGDOM to come..HIS Sweet KINGDOM that I’m a part of, helps me to cope with all of these emotions...HIS Sweet Touch mends my broken heart to continue on this path that will Glorify HIS name…

Burden lifted….

Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved….Psalm 55:22





October 11, 2011


Here and gone in 24 hours...Literally!

Gosh, I'm sad...We FINALLY had my licensing worker come to the new house for inspection...On this past Wednesday she confirmed we are licensed and to start accepting babies again....Thursday morning (10/6/11) I called to tell the placement team we are back on...I was put on hold for a sec and they came back to tell me they have a 7 week old baby girl,  "China"...The story they told me was vague, we picked her up anyway...

My son Matthew came with me to pick her up...We literally jumped up and down for joy while getting ready...I don't get excited like that about many things in life...Don't get me wrong, I'm excited and grateful beyond my imagination at all the blessings the LORD brings me...But truly the only thing I jump up and down to and dance around my house in joy, is when the LORD shows or speaks to me, and the babies...

So here we are on our way to pick up the "China doll", excited to see what she looks like, wondering what her nickname will be, and wondering the sounds she will make...She's beautiful!! And just what you would have expected, except she had no Asian in her, she just looked like a little doll...We get her home and I have to get ready for work...UGH!! Really?  My husband, the awesome guy he is, just gets right in there and takes care of her without hesitation....I personally only got very little time with her, but it was precious....I come home from work she is already sound asleep....I kind of woke her up when I checked on her...Ha! She stayed up until about 11:30pm and slept till 4:30am...Another wonderful baby that sleeps and eats...Amazing LORD, thank you!

Friday comes and we get a call she is going home!!! I tear up, Matthew cries...My husband and Mikey are sad...I think the disappointment was, we just waited a whole month to get licensed,  and here we get a baby, and she is already going home...I wasn't happy about it at all...I felt a little bitter at the fact that these people in the "placement" department don't understand our wants..

I return her, meet the mom, and tell her how wonderful her little girl is...She said thank-you as her heart is filled with joy at the sight of her "China doll"...I sign a piece of paper to release "China doll" and they "dismiss" me..."That's it Ma'am, that's all we needed."  "Well, thank you  Ms. Placement Lady, just stab me one more time in the heart and that should do it!!!" I walked out feeling like a "number", but soon get a little message in my heart from the LORD saying, "What you do is not in vain in MY eyes".  I smile up at the LORD in thankfulness and think maybe I need to make changes on how things have been panning out with this whole experience...

Over the last few days, my husband and I have done some talkin, I've been praying, making phone calls, talking to friends and seeking the LORDS guidance, of course...So as I gather information and continue to pray, I would love it if you could pray for us...We REALLY want to adopt, and not just one...We don't have money right now to go private adopt...Quite honestly if we did have money we would use it to pay off our bills...I'll give you an update at the change we are making in our adoption process in the next post I do...This post is just getting way to long....

Please give all the glory and honor to the LORD as you pray...He is always doing something in our lives...I thank HIM for the gentle ways HE has transformed and changed me...I'm grateful for the outcome so far in this foster/adopt process, because not matter what happens I still have HIM and HE never goes home!!  

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5








October 1, 2011

I can't believe how long it's been since I've had a baby...In the meantime we have fixed, packed and unpacked out new home...I just had my home inspection for my new house....My licensing worker said by Wednesday our new home should be ready to receive babies...YAY!!! I'm more than ready...

My blog friend "KIM" is also a foster parent and she is doing a series about "31 days to becoming a foster parent...I'm attaching this to my blog to encourage you to read it... She is an awesome person and I wish I could meet her one day...Join me in reading her series...Praise JESUS!!!

http://www.momtriedit.net/2011/10/intro-to-becoming-foster-parent.html


 August 25, 2011

Broken he came, broken I am! 

He is leaving!!! I can’t believe my little Jeremiah that is NOT a bullfrog is leaving me…I have to drop him off tomorrow at noon…I’m so sad and disappointed he is going home…The case worker called me today and said they are reunifying him back to his mother…Although, I may not agree in this situation because the seriousness of it, I still can’t do much about it…

I’ve only had him 15 days…I knew I would be in love with him right away, and in love I am…Again, the fit was perfect for our family…He worked well with the busyness going on in our lives...He would chill out wherever we took him…Back and forth he would travel with us from the old to the new house….With all the packing I’ve been doing not once did I feel a burden from him…This is what makes it so hard…If the kid was to cry and scream his head off all the time, I don’t think the bond would have bonded… I know some can relate to what I am saying…But we did bond, instantly!!!

Today I packed like crazy...My sweet little boy was in need at just the right time for me to have a break…Feeding, diaper change, nap, bonding time…It was never an issue…See, he just fit so well…All these babies do…I think they fit so well because our home is filled with HIS Love…

Imagine the spiritual realm…
Fiery darts from the wicked one at his home…
Fiery darts from the wicked one at my home...
Except mine bounce off with the shield of faith and the angels of Heaven stand tall at my doorstep!! I'm miss my boy :(

In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil….Ephesians 6:16





August 20, 2011


It’s been over a week I’ve had Jeremiah…I have to say once again, the LORD ceases to amaze me with these broken babies I’ve been blessed to care for…He is such a good boy! 
8 weeks old and he sleeps 5-7 hours at bedtime ...I love how natural it feels to have babies around…I’m excited how the LORD has transformed me into this "lazy mom" to a mom that relies on CHRIST daily to get through the day…Yes, I felt I was a lazy, complaining mom when my boys were born…It saddens me when I think back at how frustrated I was with them,  AND the things I complained about…Gosh, what a whiner I was…Wait, I still am…Well, at times…It’s getting better…Ha!

Anyway, all is going well…My boys are in love already…Our 9-yr old says, "Mom, as soon as I saw Jeremiah I loved him".  I told him, I’m excited to hear that and to remember Jeremiah may not stay with us forever…He tries to quote scripture saying, “But, it’s a possibility, right?” And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26
"Yes, of course, my sweet son, ALL things are possible with JESUS!!!”




August 11, 2011


Jeremiah is not a bullfrog!


Yes, a beautiful boy...Just picked him up tonight at 9pm...He is 6 weeks old...Yes, we are in the middle of  moving into our new home in about 4-5 weeks...And yes, I'm probably nuts! But, I can do all things through CHRIST...Right?  Well, if I forget that at some point when I'm pulling my hair out of my head, would someone please just remind me?  Ha!
So far so good...It's 3 hrs since I've had this  little bundle of joy and not a peep outta him...He fussed a little bit because, well, he's hungry...Otherwise, so far I think the LORD blessed us with another amazing baby...These babies have been such a blessing...Not one time so far have I been sleep deprived...I will let you know how it goes...Pray for us if you think of us, and pray for sweet Jeremiah and his family...


Night-Night...Well maybe not for me...Ha!!




July 19, 2011
The day finally came….Damia is gone! :( What an unbelievable bittersweet moment in our lives…I’m praising JESUS for the time we had with Damia…We may have changed her, but GOD has changed us...

On Thursday Damia visited with her mom (I’ll call her “Bo”) I told "Bo" how sweet and loving she is with Damia and how much I am praying for her to get her kids back…"Bo" thanked me and my family for taking good care of her daughter, and said we are a big part of her life…ANNNDDD!!! Bo said she would love it if she can have my phone number and keep in touch…I almost about fell down in tears when she said that…I said, “yes, of course” and we exchanged cell phone numbers…She texted me that night and said she thanks JESUS for me and my family…WOW, really?  I can’t believe she actually said HIS name, and in all caps!! But wait there’s more….

So this morning I texted her and told her I’m praying right now for her because today was court day…She texted back and said she was walking into court and would get back to me…Here is the text conversation an hour later….

BO:  “She’s coming home!  The case worker will get in touch with you this
          afternoon to set up arrangements to drop off Damia”. (I cry)

ME:  “Praise JESUS! I’m so happy for you”. (I really am)

BO:  “Yes, PRAISE OUR KING, ABOVE ALL KINGS”.  (Excuse me?)

I read it twice…Did she just text what I think she texted?  People who are not believers don’t talk like that…People that say they believe, but have an unsteady walk with CHRIST, don’t talk like that…I don’t know what GOD did in her life, but I know this, HE did something glorious!! We get my little sweetheart all together ready to go home to her mommy, we pray over her, kiss her all over, tear up and off I go… I get to the drop off place, I have a headache because I’m trying not to cry...I go in and ask the worker if the mom is here because I don’t want to leave Damia with a stranger…Here comes mom looking so happy and so pretty…I immediately hand Damia over to her…Everyone is smiling...Bo looked at me with glassy eyes, hugged me and thanked me from the bottom of her heart…They look so happy together…Anyway, after the paperwork is done we hugged again and she said, “Can I come to your church”.  “I would really like to go”….”Helloooo? are you kidding me, I’ll pick you up if you need a ride”!!!

That was it right there…If I never foster again, it was all worth it, right in that moment…
To hear her call HIM her KING, makes it all the more worth it…I don’t know what JESUS will do in her life, but I received my reward today….I pray I will hear the words from my SAVIOR….

 ‘Well done, good and faithful servant”! Matthew 25:21


July 14, 2011

It was suppose to happen already, but there was a little set back…Yay!

So now each day it gets closer to the time she will be leaving, each morning I see her sweet face, tears well up in my eyes knowing it will be over soon…Gosh, we taught her so many things, she has a routine, there’s structure, feeding times, bed times….For pete’s sake, she has the KING here!

But here is where she will not be…Believe it or not, it’s ok…I know her mom deserves her back and her sisters….A second chance should be given to everyone…Don’t we mess up every day and Grace pours over us each time? Why not them?  

People see “Damia” and they are amazing at how beautiful she is…They stop me in stores to find out about her…I tell them each time, “I’m just temporary mom.” They say, “Aww, how do you do that, I could never?” My response… “HIS name is JESUS”….That’s how… I look up and smile at the LORD each time I get to mention HIS name in all of this…It blesses me so much…I’m grateful for the reminder that,  it’s not about me, it’s about HIM….All the time!

Yes- I want to adopt, Yes-more than one, Yes-I hurts, but saying “Yes” to HIM first, makes it all worth it…You see, the KING and I have a relationship, He cares for me more than I know and loves me beyond what I know…It can’t be explained only felt…Each time I hurt I take a deep breath and feel His Peace, His Love, and His Comfort pour over me…Praise JESUS!!

 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”   Matthew 6:33



June 28, 2011 (Written June 15, 2011)

I’ll trust in the LORDS timing…
I’ll trust in the LORDS timing…
I’ll trust in the LORDS timing…

My visit went well on Monday with Damia’s mom…I’m ready for Damia to go back knowing she will be ok, so will I,  and so will my family…My emotions didn’t get the best of me this time, and I SEE Damia’s mom really loves her…I’m ready to hand over Damia when the time comes…Thanking JESUS for His Peace…

I get a call from a dear friend of mine today who actually encouraged US to go through foster/adopt program …I’ll tell you about the call in a minute, let me just give you her background first…She and her husband went through the foster/adopt classes, but decided to just get calls for adoption only!  Right after they completed the program they were presented with an adoptable baby who is due in July…As she goes through this process knowing the birth mom can back out anytime she holds on faithfully to the LORD, trusts, and waits till that time comes…Understand this process becomes a physical process and not just a emotional one…Her house has been upside down in renovations preparing for the “arrival” along with 3 kids in her midst…

The phone call I was telling you about……

She tells me the foster/adoption “people” call her today to ask if she would like to pick up a 3 day old baby boy!!! Birth mom had the baby Sunday and left the hospital 3 days later…Baby is healthy (that’s a shocker)…This baby is more likely to be adoptable than most situations…Don’t forget, the birth mother can come to her senses and ask for this baby back…In an appropriate time frame, of course…So here’s my friend picking up this beautiful baby boy and here I am in awe for her, so excited for her,  yet I feel queasy wanting it to be me…

I wrote all that June 15th…I sit here in wonder what will come of our experience…Damia’s case worker just left my home today, and it looks like Damia will return to her mom July 5th…As I type this part of my story today in tears I hear this Jeremy Camp song “I Still Believe” I’ve had on my blog… It’s really what I am feeling right now…
Perfect timing LORD…

This is hard...Really hard…
I can’t imagine how people do this without JESUS by their side...I wait for the Peace each time I hurt….It comes…It always comes…Thank you!!!

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see".
Hebrews 11:1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOSnsIwmukQ

 
June 11, 2011

Broken she came and restored she will leave…The 3rd visit with “Damia” and her birth mom didn’t go as well as I thought…On my end, not hers… She took my girl (I mean hers) swung her around and walked away kissing her sweet little face…I was left with visualizing my arm stretching for Damia to return back in MY arms, and realized as I hold back tears, she is not mine…And she won’t be…

These experiences are so different from each other…I wonder why this one is affecting me more than the other 2 little ones I had…The LORD reminded me she came to us so broken, lost, and scared…So now after nurturing her, loving on her and pouring “Agape” into her, she feels safe, secure, and loved…We did that…We, with the help of the Holy Spirit loved her as she deserves…She’s a changed baby and not just her diaper…Ha!

I think about how I was…I was broken, lost and scared when I came before the King…He poured His “Agape” into me and now I feel safe, secure and loved by Him…His Holy Spirit lives in me and continues to change me too…WOW!

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed….Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

May 30, 2011

A little over a week with the Father’s Love working through me and my family is all Damia needed…I’m in awe of His love and ashamed with the lack of mine…We learned about love in service Sunday…
I know it very well, but after hearing another teaching on 1 Corinthians 13:1-6 it opened my eyes again to His truths…What a glorious moment!

So here I am set up to take Damia in the cry room during service…It’s kind of a social hour for me because I end up chit chatting with the other moms in there…I’m totally blessed with the fellowship, but I end up not hearing the teaching…So after worship I checked on Damia (I put her in the nursery to see how she would do) and she was fine…They told me it doesn’t matter if she cries they will handle it…(I don’t like to burden people though) I know the Lord wanted me hear what the Holy Spirit was speaking through my pastor, and so He allowed me to be in service to listen…Yay!

My pastor talked about the different kinds of love the bible talks about…

EROS-which is sexual or romantic love.
PHILEO-which is a brotherly love toward someone we really like.
AGAPE-which is the deepest love, which is self-sacrifice.

I’ve heard all of this before..But, the way it was explained this time was awesome!
He said, (the pastor) “No one but believers in JESUS CHRIST can have or give “Agape love”...He went on explaining the difference in a Believers love vs. an unbelievers love...

The difference in MY love for my husband, kids, family & friends, seems somewhat familiar to an unbeliever, they think their love is the same…Because, they see and do the same “physical” things in caring and nurturing for their loved ones as we do…

BUT!!! The bible says, in Matthew 22:37-39
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

What does that mean you say?!?! The difference between my love (believer in CHRIST) compared to the non-believer (does not know CHRIST)  is, they could NEVER love like we love because, they do not love GOD with all their heart, soul and mind…They don’t have the Holy Spirit of GOD dwelling within them like we believers do…They do not “Agape love”, they can’t…It’s impossible to love like that if CHRIST doesn’t live in your heart…People (unbelievers) can say they love with "Agape love" because they "sacrifice" themselves for their loved ones, but it's not the same...No way, No how...
It’s different…It’s magnificent…It’s unconditional, and it ONLY comes through CHRIST…An unbeliever can never say they do until it's experienced....

What was so exciting to me in hearing all of that on Sunday, was a fresh reminder about the Father’s Love…When I/we care for these little ones that come into our home, I/we don’t have to worry when I/we become weak…His “Agape love” never fails and He will work through us in spreading all the Love that is required…And more :) More than we all deserve!

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres….1 Corinthians 13:4-7
 May 23, 2011

“Damia” (pronounced Da-Mia) which means “to tame” is my new little one…She’s Asian/Black, 8 months old, and precious!…I do pray to the LORD the meaning of her name I picked will happen soon…Ha! She cry’s, and sometimes screams, 80% of the time…I can’t believe the grace and mercy the LORD has poured upon me…I’ve mentioned before (I think) I don’t do crying babies, whining, drama queens or kings...Since Friday night when I picked her up, this baby girl has cried and screamed her head off... I have not felt frustrated or overwhelmed at all!!   Praise the LORD… 

Trying to figure out how to comfort her is really a challenge…Finally, after 3 days we have found out she was partially breast fed and she likes to be held…All the time!!! Okayyy, I can do that,(the holding part...Ha!), but not all day!!! Every time I needed to get things done around the house I would put her in a swing, walker, or on the floor…She would scream until someone picked her up…Even then she didn’t stop screaming or crying right away….I even put her in a baby holster to do the dishes…She liked that…She, of course, responds to worship songs and scripture verses…Who wouldn’t respond to that…Thank GOD!! 

I visited with Damia’s entire family the other day…It’s funny to me the responses people have when their babies get taken from them…You would think they would be a crying mess in devastation that their babies are away from them…But, their responses are of something I cannot comprehend…Their reactions almost seem natural to them, non-chalante … I was able to talk to the family about the LORD…They said they believe in JESUS, and this was the first, and the last time their babies would be taken into the foster care system…I asked the family if I could pray over them and immediately the woman that worked there told me "NO"!!! And said it firmly…
She said, "You are not allowed to pray with people."
"Why", I asked.
"Oh, you know, church and state", she replies.
"What does that mean", I said.  (hee-hee)
"Oh, well, uhhh, we just don’t want the family to feel obligated to pray", she says.
"Oh good, because I don’t want to pray with anyone that feels obligated."

I asked the family if they had a Bible, they said yes, and mom replied with, “you can pray for us on your own.” And thanked me…So did dad…

Today for the first time I ALMOST lost it…She screamed in her seat while I was be-boppin around my house…I HAD to get things done…I finally pulled her chair by my computer, turned up the worship songs, sang, fed her a jar of food and she continued to scream while eating…At that point I just prayed over her, rebuked the enemy in JESUS name, put her in the baby holster, started to type this blog post and she fell asleep…She is now in the swing sleeping (9:30pm) I am waking her up to bathe her, feed her and spend time with her before her REAL bed-time…Please pray for me, my family, this precious one, and her family…Pray that I would continue to feel the peace and have the patience that GOD has granted me for this little one…Change me, mold me, transform me in to CHRIST!!

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns…Phillipians 1:6

 May 20, 2011
 “Mommy, Mommy" is what I was left to hear today! Mithcah is gone...She cried for me as I left her with the strange woman who would reunite her with her Mom…Gosh, I cried more with Mithcah than Shiloh…It’s funny because I didn’t feel an attachment right away with Mithcah when I first picked her up…I don’t know why, but that sure changed quick...I know she will only be crying for me up until she sees her Mom…When she visited with her Mom, Dad and sibling yesterday, she ran up to them with open arms…I’m sure she missed them…
She was simply a joy to have around…She formed to our lifestyle so fast and fit right in!  As soon as she entered our home she heard about JESUS…We read the Bible to her daily and prayed several times a day…What was so funny about her, is that every time she heard “Dear LORD”, or” Dear JESUS” or I would simply say JESUS, she would bow her head, squint her eyes, and look around at us praying…It was the cutest thing…I would be in another room without her seeing me and say, “Dear JESUS” and she would get in “her” praying position and pray…I loved her…Please pray for her and her family…My prayer is that I will never see her again and that she would grow up to be a godly woman that worships, prays and serves our LORD JESUS!
I am thankful for the time I had with her, and even though another sad moment passes through me, my life still remains completed…Only JESUS can fill the voids in my life and I am thankful to HIM most of all!

The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.  He rescues them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed….
Psalm 34:17-18

May 16, 2011

Today was her last day waking up in our home, today was her last bath-time in our home, today was her last day of me being her mommy :( It was a peaceful run, but it has to come to an end…

The past 11 days has many blessings…I know that Shiloh will be going into a loving home…
They have cared for her for 2 months and have missed her so much…The foster dad had 3 tumors removed that were NOT CANCEROUS!!! I pray they give ALL glory to GOD…We probably won’t do respite care again, unless it’s for Shiloh or the Holy Spirit tells us too…We still get to care for Mithcah…And most of all, our boys were able to experience what it really means to serve, nurture and experience what sacrifice is…On a small scale of course ;)

I’m sad and I’m teary-eyed, but I know my GOD is Sovereign…He will turn my sorrows into joy!! He promises that…See for yourself…

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy…Psalm 30:11

May 13, 2011

Things are great! I just can't believe it has to come to an end...Mithcah is probably leaving by this weekend and Shiloh will leave on Monday (that's the plan, so they say)  I, of course, would like the plan to be different and just keep these little beauties, but that is not the LORDS plan...I'm in the business of making sure I'm in HIS plan and not my own...But, it's hard! I lose focus on HIS plan for my life because everything is going better than I expected with these 2 little ones...I'm already use to this life of 4 kids...I soon get back down to reality...I tear up about it, but I know it's temporary... I know the LORD will grow me in my walk with HIM, and that's worth more than anything I could imagine...I also know that HE will bless me and my family through this beautiful journey...

I was in my quiet time the other day, very distracted because everyone was up and running around... I needed my time with the LORD, though...Mithcah worked her way in the room I was in...I thought, this will be interesting...And it was!  I get through my prayer list, I ask the LORD to allow me to hear from Shiloh's foster parents because I was concerned and didn't hear from them for 2 days...The phone rings it's them...Crazy isn't it!! I talked for a bit and was determined to get back into my quiet time...I tear up again just thinking about giving these girls back and decided since I'm distracted I will continue in the book of Hebrews...(I've been going to that book each time I'm distracted...Ha!) Hebrews 6 is what I begin to read...It talks about spiritual growth...Hmmm!! Hebrews 6:10-12 is what gets to me...For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do.  Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true.  Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.


Was that a sweet blessing or what?!? HE is in every detail of my life and in every moment...I Praise you JESUS that you guide my path in this life....May I be used for your sweet name to be glorified!!

May 9, 2011

I've been waiting to be overwhelmed like I was with my boys when they were the ages of the girls...When Mikey was 2 months Matthew 16 months...So it's pretty much the same age gap between the girls...I remember thinking with my boys, "What the heck did I do?"  I obviously handled it, but not very well...The difference between then and now is.....I now have JESUS! Oh my has He worked in my life...I praise the LORD for His strength through all this....So check this out...Wanna hear about how His strength has worked in my life?  I had 12 kids here tonight!! Ha! It was great! I did have my girl Kim here hanging out with me though...We did pretty good...Even though we didn't finish any of our conversations I still enjoyed our time together...Good times!

Everyone leaves and it's time for bed...It's past both the girls' bed time...I tried 2x to put Mithcah down while everyone was still here,  but she wasn't having it...It was an hour & half past her bed time...I made a bottle for Shiloh, put Mithcah in her crib prayed with her, went to leave, but she started to cry...I didn't like that so I basically sat on the floor in the room feeding Shiloh and started quoting Psalm 23 to her ...Yes, I have this memorized because of home school...My boys know it better than me...She continued to cry and I continued on in a soft tone voice (Me? A soft tone voice...Ha!) Well, I did...She stopped crying and just watched me...I thought of that scripture verse in Hebrews 4:12 (no, I don't have it memorized) For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.  I was blown away! Again, in awe of how powerful His Word is when we simply believe in His Word...What a glorious night!!


May 7, 2011
So now I have two babies...I will call her "Mithcah" (pronounced myth-ka) which means: sweetness...And sweet she is...Mithcah is an 18 month old little girl.  When I saw her, I was nervous...I prayed to the LORD because I didn't understand how a little girl can bring anxiety upon me...I quickly pulled myself together as I presented my child-like attitude toward her, and she held her hand out to me...Sweet! My boys on the other hand see a little fragile 21 lb girl and molded quickly to her needs...They are amazing...Mithcah had open heart surgery at 1 month old...She has 4 siblings, also pulled from the home, but because there was no foster parents available to take all 5 children so they had to be separated :( We made it home safely and Mithcah wondered around so vulnerable and lost....Every time I walked out of the room she cried...She ate every little, but did suck down some milk like it was going to be ripped from her...I gave her a bath, fresh diaper, clean PJ's, read a bible story, prayed over her and tucked her in her new room...She slept almost 12 hours...Please pray for her and her siblings and her parents....What a wonderful day!

May 5, 2011

She's here, she's beautiful, and I'm in love...Help me JESUS! A quick update...The foster parents are awesome! They love her so much...It definitely helps to see that, when it will come time to give her back...I know I'm just caring for this little joy, but it's real hard to not get attached...So, she slept 9 hours straight! With a little bit of some grunting sounds, and a little cry for about 10 seconds, she kept right on sleeping...We stayed home all day just caring and loving on her...It was relaxing and such a blessing to see a happy little bundle...I had to work tonight and didn't want to leave all the fun...I knew when I got home she needed a bath so I knew I would catch up on the time that I was gone...NOT! My husband and the boys gave her a bath, clean diaper, clean pink PJ's, sleep sack and a kiss goodnight! She was out when I got home; so sweet and sound in her crib....I know, I'll go pray over her right now!! Yay! Praise JESUS!! Night-Night!!


May 4, 2011

Some of you may not even know this...I'll give you an update on what has been happening hidden behind the scenes, but not intentionally...I didn't think more kids in my family was what I wanted because there was a point in my life when Matt & Mikey were 2 & 3 yrs old, and I remember thinking, this is it! I'm done...It was hard for me to manage both of them and found myself frustrated a lot...I didn't like that...Anyway, my husband ended up getting fixed a few years later...
During the time of that process I didn't feel right about him getting fixed, but thought, eh, I'm 40 we're done...The day it was done, I felt an emptiness, but blew it off...I remember the Dr. said to use protection for the next 20 something times because you can still get pregnant...I was actually praying that I did...I didn't...
It's OK though...

A few years go by and baby fever was all around me...Friends are getting pregnant after 7 years, reversal vasectomy, adopting, In Vitro, etc...So, I start getting baby fever... Since Matt & Mikey are 8 & 7 and pretty self-sufficient with most things, life would be so much easier than when they were babies..So after praying about it with my husband we decided to take the next step...

So obviously we don't have $15,000+ to do a private adoption so we took this route...We are foster/adopting through the Clark County, here in Vegas...The process was looonnnnggggg, but worth it...We are licensed and ready to take in little ones...Yay!

It wasn't but 30 seconds that we were told by our trainer that we can have a 2 month old baby girl, but just for 2 weeks...She is Korean and White and we will call her"Shiloh"(pronounced Shy-low)  We are not allowed to post public pictures so I will have to describe how beautiful she is....My trainer told us that Shiloh  already has foster parents, but they are going to California, so they needed someone to watch her for 2 weeks...WE'LL DO IT!! I jump up and say...

Normally, when foster parents go on vacation or out of town, they normally don't or sometimes can't take the child with them so they call "respite care"... Basically, "respite care" is a licensed foster family (like us) that cares for the child until the foster parents get back...I wish it was a vacation for this particular foster family but it's not a vacation at all...They are going to California for surgery because the foster dad has stage 4 Cancer of the colon that went to his liver...Help him JESUS!

They are arriving today to drop off Shiloh...Please, please, please pray for this man, his wife and for  Shiloh...They love her sooo much and want to adopt her if she is adoptable...Pray for us, we are so excited to have her in our home,  but fear that it will be hard to let go...I know it's only 2 weeks that we will have her, but love like this is hard to let go sometimes...We do know that the LORD has our baby/babies picked out so that is the hope we are clinging to...






3 comments:

  1. I changed the baby's name to Shiloh...For protection purposes...Funny, Shiloh means "sent"

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  2. Praying for everyone involved girl...

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  3. so sweet of a story from May 9th...
    when my boy was a baby and had severe colic, I would sing "Jesus, name above all names" to him and he would stop crying. It was a miracle! Now, he plays it on the piano and says remember this song mom?

    ReplyDelete